"Whether your linen has survived a budget hotel in Bognor Regis, been abandoned in a gym bag for three lunar cycles, or witnessed something unspeakable in a suburban semi-detached — we are here for you."
— Sir Archibald Damp-Sponge, KBE, DSO
Amnesia Starching, the Cone of Silence, Recreational Lint-Rolling, and the Luxury Damp-Room.
As Decreed by the Ministry of Damp. From the Morning Unfolding to the Existential Folding.
Form 22-B: The Soggy Inquiry. Complete in triplicate using a pen that only works intermittently.
To be hummed in a monotonous drone during the 1400rpm spin cycle.
Dead or Slightly Moist. Reward: one bar of institutional soap.
Open only when the moon is in the third house of Laundry. Canned air available.
Officially Stiff Enough for British Society. Print and display with pride.
Peace accord between Towels and Sponges. Witnessed by a confused goldfish.
In memoriam: Arthur, 100% Egyptian Cotton, lost to a leaky radiator and a panicked plumber.