§ Department V · Security Notice

Wanted: Dead or Slightly Moist

Issued by order of the Chief Fluff-Buffer, Upper East Cupboard

WANTED DEAD OR SLIGHTLY MOIST BELT MISSING ARTIST'S IMPRESSION (MAY NOT RESEMBLE ACTUAL BATHROBE) Baron Von Bathrobe CRIMES AGAINST THE SANATORIUM: ▶ Inciting a Flannel Revolt in the Hydrotherapy Wing ▶ Refusing to be folded per the Act of 1924 ▶ Claiming to be Silk while clearly Industrial ▶ Pockets contain stolen sugar cubes + Daily Mirror REWARD One slightly used bar of institutional soap + firm handshake from a man named Arthur
⚠ Public Safety Warning

Do NOT attempt to fold the Baron Von Bathrobe. He has evaded capture seventeen times by simply draping himself over a towel rail and pretending to be ordinary. If spotted, report immediately to the Chief Fluff-Buffer. Do not engage, do not launder, and under no circumstances offer him a hanger.