Open only when the moon is in the third house of Laundry
Prices quoted in Buttons or Loose Change found in pockets. No returns. No refunds. No eye contact with the cashier.
Harvested from a 1974 desert storm, filtered through a retired colonel's woollen vest. 100% cynical fibers guaranteed.
Actually a rusty bottle cap, polished with a very posh flannel. Authenticity certificate available separately.
Just add water to create a puddle. Warning: causes immediate Sanatorium relapse. Keep away from dry towels.
For the towel who misses the bleak comfort of the Ministry of Damp. Six designs available. All grey.
Smells of damp tweed, old soap, and "knowing looks." Burns for approximately three lunar cycles.
Show your support for linens suffering from PTSD. Free with every purchase over £4.98. One per customer.