§ Department II

The Daily Schedule

"As Decreed by the Ministry of Damp"

XII III VI IX
§ Official Timetable

The Day in Full

Failure to comply constitutes an act of Unilateral Dampness, punishable by immediate return to the spin cycle.

Time Activity Severity
06:00 The Morning Unfolding. Towels are shaken violently to remove any lingering dreams of being a curtain. MANDATORY
08:30 Breakfast. A light dusting of starch and a stern look from the Head Matron. COMPULSORY
10:00 Mandatory Hanging. Towels must hang in a draughty corridor and contemplate the futility of absorbency. OBLIGATORY
12:00 Mid-day Moping. A period of silence where towels are encouraged to feel "slightly damp" but not "wet." REQUIRED
14:00 Aggressive Lint-Rolling. Removing emotional baggage and cat hair in a way that borders on the theatrical. NON-OPTIONAL
16:00 Mid-afternoon Sighing. Towels are gathered in the laundry basket to sigh collectively at the state of the British Empire. ENCOURAGED
20:00 The Folding. Tucked into a cupboard so small it causes existential dread. INEVITABLE
Note from the Head Matron:
The mid-afternoon sighing is not optional regardless of the geopolitical state of the British Empire. A towel that refuses to sigh will be marked as "suspiciously cheerful" and referred for supplementary treatment.